The Story of S
by recumbentgoat
Summary: Nyota meets Amanda for the first time as Spock’s girlfriend, later she seeks to learn more about Spock after he shares a difficult family situation with her from his past. Previous story: Ashayam Next story: Wink of an Eye Complete!
1. Research

**Summary:** Nyota meets Amanda for the first time as Spock's girlfriend, later she seeks to learn more about Spock after he shares a difficult family situation in his past with her.  
**Rating:** M overall, though **not** for this chapter  
**Warnings:** _NO SEX!_, moody Vulcan  
**A/N:** I meant this to be purely smut, but plot kept interrupting me. So no sex this chapter, but I'll turn up the heat in the next chapter. Previous Story: Ashayam Next Story: Wink of an Eye. References TOS episodes Amok Time and Journey to Babel.

* * *

Nyota couldn't tell exactly when it happened, but at some point in the four months that they had been together officially, something had changed. She couldn't put her finger on it since they were currently on separate shifts, but Spock seemed increasingly withdrawn.

She'd finally had it with him one day after he'd been particularly abrupt with her, so she cornered him in his quarters during the shift change. Barely holding on to her patience, she waited for Spock to stop his typical verbal gymnastics on how he wasn't actually avoiding her since they'd engaged in coitus that very morning. Her eyes narrowed and she pinned him with a dark look before he finally admitted, 'My mother wants to meet you.'

She sighed, 'Oh. Is that _it_?' Nyota was surprised this was the cause for Spock's moodiness, and she could only call it that because his behavior lately was uncharacteristically abrupt and impatient. But he wasn't normally so reticent with her about discussing his family….for the most part.

Spock folded his arms and fixed his gaze on the ceiling, 'Yes, somehow she found out about our relationship. I suspected that Dr. McCoy told her since he occasionally calls her to inquire after my father. He said it just _slipped out_–'

At this revelation, Spock actually raised both of his hands to make air quotes with his fingers, indicating to Nyota his _high_ level of annoyance. Spock continued, '–which is quite doubtful since you are aware of the mischief he enjoys making.'

She raised her eyebrows and tried not to laugh in his face, 'Well, ok. So when did this happen?'

'Three months ago.'

'What?!' Her amusement fled, 'Three _months_ ago?! Why didn't you tell me sooner?' She folded her arms and turned away, muttering angrily, 'I thought you _wanted_ me to meet your mother.'

Silence.

Nyota threw up her hands in frustration, 'Don't answer all at once, Spock!' She was about to walk out in a huff when Spock grabbed hold of her forearm to turn her around.

He canted his head slightly, frowning, 'Please do not misunderstand—'

'Oh _spare_ me, Spock. Just say it–you're having second thoughts about this _whole thing_. I mean, _three_ months, Spock?'

It was Spock's turn to give her a questioning look, 'It was still too soon for us. My…hesitation merely stemmed from wanting to protect you from my mother's overzealous concern about my _love life_ as she so quaintly puts it.' His hand released her arm to flutter up gracefully, making more air quotes.

'Oh! I see!' Nyota laughed with relief, though still feeling somewhat peeved, and leaned against the wall, 'So she tends to offer unsolicited advice?' She watched his face closely for any shift in expression, but there was none.

His eyes drifted to a point over her shoulder, 'Her methods are not quite so obvious, but she claims to have an _intuition_ about people and I–'

She inched closer to him, putting her hand on his arm and said softly, 'Spock, what are you so afraid of? You don't think she'll like me?'

He pressed his lips together in a tight line, 'I am not _afraid_ of anything, Nyota. But…I have never–' He stopped abruptly, then walked away from her and sat down at his desk, staring at his computer screen. 'I need to meditate.'

She stared at his back, then sighed, wondering how one talked to a moody Vulcan who'd never admit to such a state. 'Come _on_, Spock, would you just tell me what's bothering you?' Nyota sat in the chair opposite him and leaned forward on his desk, 'Why do you put me in this position of having to _bug_ you?'

He looked away, as if speaking to the wall, 'I have been–_had_ been– betrothed to T'Pring since I was seven years old.' Spock took a deep breath, 'My…relationships…were not meant to progress to an introduction with my parents.' He finally looked down at his hands, the fingers loosely clasped together on his desk top. His left thumb slowly tapped against the back of his other hand, seemingly lost in thought.

Nyota leaned back in her chair and took a deep breath, letting it slowly escape. She couldn't pry it out of him now, not when she was about to go on shift. Spock certainly had a knack for timing. She'd gotten so adept at reading his silences and omissions, which were very loud right now, that she knew that there was more to the story. But she couldn't figure out if his reluctance to share was based on his private nature or if it was because he was ashamed of something.

Spock, until fairly recently, had always been an enigma to her. Ever since she was at the Academy, he'd always been someone that she looked up to as a mentor, first academically then later, professionally. He'd been a superstar student, graduating valedictorian of his class and then later, for a short time, a teacher that everyone mostly talked about with tremendous respect and a touch of fearful awe, but whom no one really knew.

That changed for her once she was assigned to the Enterprise, which had thrilled and terrified her all at once. Once she'd finally gotten to know him, it had been a revelation to her that Spock was a flesh and blood man, with an actual personality and flaws. As it was right now, learning that her boyfriend had a past and a human, and Vulcan, family that had shaped him was still a bit of a surprise to her.

Nyota resolved then to catch up with her readings on Vulcan society and cultural traditions. There had to be some insight into this man's mind _somewhere_. Maybe Vulcan male psychology too while she was at it, especially now that Spock was starting to really open up to her more about his emotions and particularly how he felt about his family.

But then, she wondered about those relationships he'd referred to and whether he'd intentionally pursued short-term affairs, or even one night stands, despite being engaged to T'Pring. Was that even allowable in Vulcan tradition? It certainly hadn't held T'Pring back from having Stonn. Or maybe he was just a cheater, hence his shame and embarrassment?

Had he rebelled against his parents choice of T'Pring? Acted out in some way? And when had _that_ happened? He seemed so morally upright now that she had a difficult time imagining Spock ever being rebellious or worse, self-destructive in some way.

She leaned forward again, wanting him to look at her, but he kept his eyes away from hers, 'Ok, Spock. I've got to go, but remember, it's not that bad. It's not like we're total strangers. We already know a few things about each other. Plus, your mother and I share a mutual interest.'

She got up and walked around the desk, putting her arms around his shoulders and giving him a hug. 'We'll talk later, but I want to meet your mom, Spock. Make it happen.' She dropped a kiss on the top of his head and he sighed.

As she walked away, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her back into his lap for a quick kiss. She laughed into his mouth and returned his with a chaste one. 'See you in in a few hours, baby.'

* * *

The bridge was quiet enough for her to pretend to do some work while she did another search of the ship's library for more texts on Vulcan male psychology. She'd compiled a very long list of potential reading materials when she was first dating Spock, but had only managed to read a few books. There were some that sounded very interesting, but needed special permission from the Vulcan Science Academy archives to access.

One title had her stop in her tracks and do a mental double take. Something that she'd previously requested access to had actually been approved some time ago and she either hadn't realized it or had just completely forgotten about it. She scanned the summary, then smiled. Oh yes, she _definitely_ remembered this one.

She grinned openly when she recalled how Spock had once commented that humans were too enthusiastic for pre-Surakian literature. But this was too delicious _not_ to get excited about, since it was about the inner workings of the Vulcan elite right before Surak's revolutionary ideas of nonviolence swept across the planet.

It was also noted for containing several erotic passages between an older woman of noble birth and a young man of lower social status. Nyota downloaded the novel onto her padd, refusing to feel guilty for anticipating a scandalous, juicy read.

But her plans on a quiet night in with Spock were thwarted when she returned to his quarters to find him at the comm unit waiting for her. With a surprise. Nyota hated surprises.

'Nyota, when you have a moment, could you please come here and say hello to my mother?'

She muffled a groan as she put her things down on his kitchen table and took a deep breath before plastering on a smile and walking over to Spock's side. She nodded pleasantly as she made eye contact with Lady Amanda.

Amanda smiled brilliantly at her, 'Nyota, I can't tell you how _thrilled_ I am to finally meet you in an official capacity. It's so wonderful to finally see you again. I've always heard such _intriguing_ things about you from Spock. And others. But I really must _apologize_ for the surprise, I do know you two must have other things to do. I told Spock it wasn't urgent, but he never _listens_ to me.'

Nyota drew up a chair and sat down next to Spock, 'Hello Lady Amanda, thank you so much. It's great to finally meet you too.' They smiled at each other, before Nyota continued, 'I'm sure it would've happened sooner if Spock hadn't…forgotten.' She kept her focus on Amanda, but could see Spock shifting in his chair out of the corner of her eye as she fibbed to cover Spock's alleged oversight.

Amanda chuckled, her head tilting to the side as she contemplated the two sitting before her, 'Oh yes, _do_ call me Amanda, Nyota.' Then, her blue eyes focused back on her son, 'Spock, why don't you go make Nyota some tea. She's coming off such a long shift, I mean, _really_ Spock. Haven't I taught you anything?'

Nyota laughed and surreptitiously put her hand on Spock's knee under the desk, 'That's ok, Sp–'

But he shot Nyota a knowing look before getting up and going into the kitchen.

Amanda whispered conspiratorially from the screen, 'Now that you're dating a Vulcan you can appreciate the little things he can do for you, my dear.' Her voice returned to normal volume, 'And now that my son is busy, why don't you tell me about that research you're doing on Vulcan history.'

Nyota pulled back slightly in surprise, 'How did you know about that?'

'Ms. Uhura, I've been a linguist specializing in all things Vulcan for over 30 years. Just _how_ do you think those archive requests get approved? And some of the more _interesting_ ones get sent my way.' Amanda smiled slowly, revealing a perfect white smile.

'Ohhhh, I had _no_ idea!' She lowered her voice and leaned closer to the screen, 'I just saw some reading I'd requested a while ago was suddenly approved!'

She chuckled, 'Well, of _course_ I'd put your request through!' Then whispered with a wink, 'Though please don't mention it to anyone else, since many people get denied. It's not easy to acquire this information through the…proper channels.'

'Oh, I understand. But why was I approved then?' Nyota was beginning to see just how well connected Spock was by virtue of his lineage.

Amanda smiled and said resolutely, 'Because you're chief communications officer of the Federation flagship. Though, I'm _sure_ you'll glean more…personally useful things from it as well.'

Nyota smiled back and nodded, but secretly searched the older woman's face. It was easy for many to say how much Spock took after his father, since he looked more Vulcan than human, but there were features from Amanda that one could see in Spock's face too, though in a more subtle way.

But by then, Spock had returned with Nyota's tea and the conversation switched to more general topics for which Nyota was grateful, since it allowed her to observe Spock interact with his mother.

She couldn't understand why he was so concerned earlier about this meeting. The way he treated his mother was actually quite sweet as it was unexpected, though not really surprising considering who Spock was as a person. It was still highly amusing to see the stern First Officer Spock gradually cave to his human mother's demand, which had been phrased in a variety of ways, to update her on his life.

Spock proceeded to do so, of course, but in such a frustratingly oblique way, that Nyota knew he must be doing it on purpose. Amanda seemed to know it too, pausing every once in a while to silently glance at Nyota, but his stone walling hadn't deterred her from pressing him for more details.

Still, from what Nyota could see, it was a very different dynamic from the extreme tension that had occurred between them during the mission to Babel. During that time, she and Spock had only been good friends and she really hadn't gotten a chance to meet and talk with either of Spock's parents.

Amanda had a very mischievous and charming quality and Nyota could see why McCoy would be inclined to follow up on Sarek's health so frequently. Though she wondered what Sarek thought about _that_, since she'd learned firsthand just how territorial Vulcans could be. She'd have to remember later to swing by Sickbay and find out what she could from McCoy about Spock's mother.

'You know, Nyota, when you and Spock come to visit us–'

Nyota smiled, though surprised, 'Oh _thank_ you, Amanda, but I'm not sure whe-'

'It would be very difficult for us, Mother,' Spock interrupted.

She waved a hand, 'I know, I know. But I'm sure we can arrange to meet you two somewhere halfway. That wouldn't be such a _burden_, now would it?' She smiled innocently at her son.

Spock was silent for a moment, 'We'll see, Mother.'

But that seemed to satisfy Amanda, who replied breezily, 'Ok that's fine then. I'll just leave it to Nyota to keep me updated if your schedules change. Actually, while I have you now, why don't I show you that _adorable_ holo of Spock with I-Chaya–'

'Mother-'

Nyota leaned forward excitedly, this was what she was hoping for all along. 'You have cute holos?' She glanced at Spock with a smirk, 'I would _love_ to see cute holos, Amanda.'

Spock sighed, ignoring Nyota's look, 'Unfortunately, Mother, we no longer have adequate time to view your very _extensive_ holo collection. You will just have to be patient and show Nyota at a later date.'

Amanda's smile wavered, 'Oh, _alright_, Spock.' A mischievous glint returned to her eye, 'It's clear my son doesn't wish to speak to me anymore, so I will just wish you good night, but _please_ don't hesitate to call me about any other research questions you might have.'

She smiled back and nodded, 'Thank you, Amanda. I'll do that.'

Amanda looked at her son and nodded once, 'Thank _you_, Spock. Good night.'

'Good night, Mother.' Spock ended the call, while Nyota got up to clean their empty tea mugs in the kitchen.

'That wasn't so bad now was it, Spock?' She finished sanitizing the mugs and returned them to the shelf, 'I'm glad you're my boyfriend, though. It seems to have its advantages.'

He folded his arms across his chest, 'Is that so?'

'Apparently, your mom has pull at the Vulcan Science Academy archives. There was some stuff I'd requested permission to read a while ago and she pushed it through for me.'

'I see. Should I know what _stuff_ you have requested to read?'

Nyota shrugged, 'Just some _very_ salacious reading material that I'll derive _great_ satisfaction from reading, my dear.' She sat on his lap, putting her arm around his shoulders.

'Utterly predictable.' He dropped a kiss onto her collarbone, 'What is the title of this romance novel?'

She hit him on the shoulder, 'It's _historical_ I'll have you know. Actually, it doesn't have a title from what I can see. It was just labeled An Accounting of the Ruling Clans of Shik'har, by Anonymous.'

Spock's wandering hands stilled on her back for a moment, 'What is the subject matter that piqued your interest?'

'Well, it looks to be a snapshot of daily life right before the Great Reformation.' She paused, 'But there are a few erotic passages that seemed like good reading.' She tapped him on the shoulder thoughtfully, 'Do you know the story at all? From what I could see on the archive summary, it hasn't been accessed for many years.'

Spock's hands slipped under her skirt and he murmured, 'Yes, I know it. I read it when I fifteen. My mother had been working on a Standard translation at the time.' He kissed her neck.

She moved back out of reach, 'Oh wow, I didn't even know that there was a Standard version.'

'There isn't any. Or rather, none available to the public and none stored at the archive. My father did not…approve of the content.' His hand drifted up to caress her breast, but she put her hand over his, stopping him.

'Ohhhh, it's like _that_.' Nyota had always known Sarek to be something of a hard ass, but hadn't seemed like one to encourage censorship.

'Yes.' Spock finally leaned back and looked at her, realizing now that she wanted to talk.

'I'm _really_ looking forward to reading this then.'

He raised his eyebrows, 'Indeed.'

'Ok.' She watched him in silence for a few moments, 'So…are you going to tell me what's gotten you….concerned lately?' She had to choose her words carefully about certain emotions, to find words that weren't so emotionally loaded for him, which was ironic really. She had learned to avoid particular terms he found objectionable, lest it send him into a glacial freeze of such rigid mental control, that it would take days or even weeks for her to thaw.

It was proving to be a challenge dealing with someone who had rather strong emotions, but could not or would not talk about them or even identify them. It ran completely against what she felt to be right, but she couldn't really see any other way of dealing with it.

Spock looked back up at her, 'That story my mother was translating happened during a very…chaotic time for me and I associate…unpleasantness with it.'

She watched him as his eyes looked down again at his hand resting on her thigh, 'I'm really sorry to hear that, Spock.'

'It doesn't matter now.'

'Yes, it does! You're still bothered by it. So let me guess, you read the book and your father didn't approve of it. So what'd he do, ground you for a month?'

'No, it wasn't the book.' He took a deep breath, his hand moving down to her knee, 'My grandfather died at this time. It was an unexpected death and my mother was devastated by the news.'

Shocked, Nyota took a moment before responding, 'I'm so sorry Spock.'

She could feel him shrug under her arm that was slung around his shoulders, she squeezed him reassuringly.

'She buried herself in her work and did not return to Earth for the funeral.' Spock moved to stand up and Nyota got off his lap. He went over into the bedroom, laying down and putting his hands behind his head.

She propped her chin up on the back of his chair, 'Wow, Spock. That's really surprising. You all seemed so close. Why she didn't go back home for the funeral?'

'At the time, I was…under the care of a healer at Gol. She was not allowed to contact me, but would not go home unless she could take me with her.'

'Gol? So what happened? Why were you at Gol?' The only thing she knew about Gol was that it was a sanctuary for monks.

'Sarek seemed to think that I was not functioning correctly as a Vulcan.'

Aghast, Nyota nevertheless prodded gently, 'Why did he think _that_?'

He shrugged, 'Most Vulcans perceive humanity as a treatable condition.'

Nyota shook her head, 'I don't even know what to say to that. That's some downright xenophobic bullshit right there.'

He looked over at her, amused enough to give her a small smile, 'Thank you for saying so. I wish I knew you then, Nyota.'

She went over and sat on the bed, resting her hand on his chest, 'You don't wish very often, Spock, so thank you.' She stroked his forearm, enjoying the heat he generated.

He pulled her down gently into the crook of his arm, 'I think I would have benefited greatly from your wisdom.'

Nyota settled her head on his shoulder, 'Oh? Let's see now, you were fifteen at the time and I was…around ten. Yeah, I was a real know-it-all back then. So tell me what happened when you got back from Gol.'

'I signed up for Starfleet.'

'Now wait a minute, you're really leaving out a lot. Could you fill in the blanks, please?'

'Sarek and I were at odds over my future and after my time at Gol, he had decided he would make my decisions for me. I did not agree with that course of action, so I packed some clothes and left Vulcan the day I had returned.'

'Did Amanda know?'

'No. I…could not tell her what I was planning.'

'You'd planned this already?' She snuggled closer to him to give him comfort and slipped her hand under his shirt. She sighed and closed her eyes, listening to his low voice rumble in his chest.

'Yes, my grandfather's death only pushed to the forefront my ongoing differences with Sarek. Fortunately, I had planned well in advance.'

'What plans? Did you run away from home to join Starfleet?'

'Simplistic, but yes, in a way I did. I had not made a firm decision about Starfleet, since I was only exploring that option in discussions with my grandfather. After his death, however, I was sure of what I needed to do.'

'You were close to him.' She thought that maybe he was even closer to his grandfather than Sarek.

Spock smoothed back her hair that was tickling his chin, 'Yes, I was.'

'How'd you get off the planet though without anyone knowing?'

'A day trip to T'Khut. When I arrived there, I merely changed my itinerary and continued on to Earth. I already had my new identification card that reflected my change of residency, so that when I landed in Boston, no one could force me to return to Vulcan.'

'But how did you manage to do it so quickly? You were _only_ fifteen, how did you manage to change your citizenship without your parents approval?'

'On my last visit to Earth, I petitioned a court in Boston to become an independent minor.' He hurried on before she could interrupt with another question, 'That is merely a legal proceeding where the court decided if I could be declared an adult and able to handle my affairs. They ruled in my favor and I applied for Terran citizenship that same day.'

'Why'd you even bother returning home then if you were already a legal adult?'

'I had planned to finish my last course of study at school. I also needed to speak to my mother about how I planned to live and support myself while attending Starfleet. And to say…goodbye. But when I arrived home to Shik'har, Sarek was not satisfied that I was spending my time on Earth, so he demanded that I enter Gol for a–a re-evaluation of my priorities. At that particular juncture, I had not received notice on whether or not my citizenship was approved, so I had no choice but to delay my departure.'

'Spock…I don't know what to say. I'm in shock with this whole thing. I'm just…_amazed_ that Sarek was so unhappy with how you were. I mean, you turned out just fine.'

He replied in amusement, 'Thank you.' He shifted his position so that she was laying on the bed looking up at him, her hands resting against his chest.

She looked up into his black eyes, 'I mean it, Spock. That was really brave of you. I can't even imagine just…leaving. What happened when you got to Boston? Where did you stay? What did your parents do?'

Spock kissed her, then said, 'Another time, Nyota. I have…_other_ activities that I would like to be doing to you now.'

Later, after she had gotten up and then returned from the bathroom, she picked up the padd she'd left on the table and brought it back to the bed to read.

The novel wasn't quite what she expected, but the author had a lively wit and it read like a very thinly disguised political satire, since several figures were relentlessly skewered for their ignorance, stupidity and whatever else that offended the author. But then, before she could read any more, Spock woke up and she had to set her reading aside until tomorrow.

* * *

**A/N:** Like, whoa, this was supposed to be one chapter, but it got so long. I'm halfway through writing the second chapter now. Thank you for reading! Please comment and be sure to visit my wordpress site located on my profile for the pictures, as well as other fanfic and commissioned fanart.

**ETA**: The plot point of Spock using legal means to get into Starfleet is something I read in a fanfic last year, but I can't remember the name of it for the life of me. I'm almost positive that it's AOS, but I could be totally wrong. If this rings a bell for anyone, could you send me a link so I can acknowledge that story's author? It was a great story and I wish I had bookmarked it now. Thank you! :D

**Son of ETA:** Thanks to knowledgeable readers for the pointer to Pat Foley's Holography story as the one I was thinking of. ~hat tip~ :D


	2. Theory and Experiment

Summary: Nyota continues to plumb the depths of the Vulcan male mind– with unexpected results.  
Rating: M  
Warnings: Physical violence, extensive swearing, emo!Vulcan, 6K+ word count!  
A/N: Previous Story: Ashayam Next Story: Wink of an Eye. References TOS episodes Amok Time and Journey to Babel.

* * *

Two days later in the mess hall, Nyota put her padd down and stirred her coffee, lost in thought. She'd finally finished the novel and felt plenty enlightened about pre-Surakian society. Those salacious passages she'd joked about with Spock had definitely lived up to the hype. She'd also managed to learn something about the woman who wrote it.

That is, Nyota was _almost_ certain that the anonymous author was a woman. In fact, she was fairly positive it was an autobiographical account. There were details that were so personal, so intimate that it was difficult to imagine otherwise.

But she'd wondered if any other scholars had thought the same way, so she had dug around at the archives and managed to find an article by one historian, who believed that the author was really a Lady T'Uran, an extremely wealthy and powerful noble woman, who had led one of the largest clans in Shik'har during pre-Reformation times.

Most of the book dealt with negotiating complex business relationships with rival clans inside Shik'har, and either avoiding or making war with the clans _outside_ of Shik'har. She'd also mocked the ridiculous and petty behavior of many in the nobility, and of the endless strife that was present in society, even in her own household.

Nyota was surprised that a leader would even think to write such a novel, which would undermine a clan leader's authority if the author's identity had ever been discovered. It was likely for private entertainment, an outlet for T'Uran's political frustrations. Nyota thought that this would be a good line of questioning for Amanda when she spoke to her again.

What was particularly interesting, and she could understand now why the Vulcans had kept this out of the public archive, was the novel's racy subplot between the protagonist and her young lover. He was from the lower class and had been taken in as a teacher for the lady's two children from a previous marriage.

The attraction between the lady and the teacher had been immediate, drawn together, at first intellectually, by a similar interest in local political reform, as well as sharing a rather wicked wit. Later, the physical side of their relationship began, after the teacher's first Pon Farr caught them suddenly as they were traveling to Mount Seleya on a business trip.

Four _days_ in a secluded desert cave. Four days of hardcore _fucking_ that she couldn't even call love-making. To say that those detailed passages were torrid and steamy were an understatement. She couldn't wait to ask Spock what he thought of those parts, especially about that scholar's theory that the true identity of the teacher was actually Surak.

Come to think of it, she was _very_ curious how Spock interpreted their relationship. She was surprised by how quickly Surak's role of sexual aggressor had been subverted once they left that cave and how willingly he submitted to that role reversal. No matter what request or trivial demand she made of him, he acquiesced, though Nyota supposed that it also could've been a reflection of their different class positions.

Lady T'Uran was very adept at sexually manipulating her young protege and the emotional mind games they engaged in were quite twisted. If this truly was about T'Uran's relationship with Surak, teacher of logic and bringer of peace, then it was a shocking revelation, even to a human.

To know that the founder of modern Vulcan civilization had behaved in such a lusty and uninhibited way, while engaged in what could only be described as straight out _mind-fuckery_, was both hilarious and yet sobering. Most humans could probably forgive their leaders' transgressions, particularly if they were just a few kinks between adults, but the Vulcans weren't quite willing to do that yet.

She wasn't about to test their readiness either, especially since Amanda had gone out on a limb to trust her with this secret. But she also didn't want to prove Spock right by overreacting in a 'typical' human way, titillated by what was, for the Vulcans, a deep, cultural taboo on sex.

She sighed and took another sip of her tepid coffee. What was confusing to her was Surak's internalized attitude towards his physical treatment by T'Uran. Perhaps this was because of the power imbalance that was inherent in their positions in society. But whatever it was, it probably explained why she always felt so sympathetic towards Surak, given her initial fears about dating her XO.

She shook her head, dating humans was complicated enough, but learning the nuances of the Vulcan cultural mindset was proving to be a challenge. She should retire from Starfleet and devote the rest of her life to studying the psyche of the male Vulcan mind, or just one in particular anyway.

Nyota got out her padd to update her journal, which she'd kept up since she'd started dating Spock. She'd noticed how the teacher would deliberately test the lady's authority, reminding Nyota in a way of Spock, who would nitpick over the stupidest things, as if he was trying to get a rise out of her. For someone like T'Uran though, who was already being tested constantly by others for her leadership position, it must've been a huge source of irritation to be challenged like that by her lover, secret or otherwise.

Like any effective leader, T'Uran responded quickly to each of Surak's challenges, swiftly punishing him in a variety of ways that had left Nyota wet and aching with need after she'd put down her reading. Spock only had to look at her once before pulling her back down onto the bed, assuaging her aroused state with such passionate loving that she'd annoyed her co-workers the morning after with her chirpy goodwill.

T'Uran and Surak's relationship was definitely an ongoing test of wills, of who needed who more and who'd cave the quickest. Yet, it was also of trust, though T'Uran felt that he needed to be disciplined regularly, in order to maintain his loyalty to her. Nyota speculated that it could've been her insecurity, since personal betrayals were a fact of life for T'Uran.

But it hadn't seemed fair to Surak, vulnerable already as an unbonded male and under T'Uran's protection. Though not explicitly stated in the novel, Nyota presumed that they'd bonded, since Surak had survived his Pon Farr at Mount Seleya. Nyota paused her note taking when it dawned on her that the best resource she had, Amanda, was essentially closed off to her now.

Amanda would undoubtedly have great insight into dealing with Vulcan men, but it would be too much like asking her own parents for advice, especially with anything remotely connected to sex. She had so many questions for her though, like how her marriage to Sarek was viewed by other Vulcans. Were there negative perceptions? And how had Spock reacted to that? Did it have a bearing on why Spock had chosen her, a human, over a Vulcan as a potential life partner? And what was her role, to help him feel more Vulcan?

Plus, just knowing that Amanda translated this document and that it probably informed her own relationship with Sarek was enough to boggle her mind. And if it boggled _her_ mind, it would _completely_ freak Spock out. Maybe it _had_ freaked him out and that got him sent to Gol.

Though, he certainly didn't seem to mind her reading the book, if the last two nights were any indication. However, Spock wasn't terribly articulate about what he needed sexually. In their budding relationship, this had caused some bumps and bruises, but mainly to her, since his main approach to sex was like that of a very thirsty man running to the oasis. Not that there was anything _wrong_ with that.

She shivered as she recalled the first time she let him touch her mind during sex, how unrestrained he'd become, his face unguarded and so intensely expressive. She still used that memory to get off when she was alone and couldn't get to Spock.

Then, there was that time where he proved to her, several times actually, just how territorial and possessive a Vulcan could be when he felt threatened by other male competition. But still, maybe this book was a blessing in disguise, since it could help him open up to her about what he really wanted.

After Spock told her what had happened to him as a teenager, she figured that he probably had a lot more to get off his chest. She wished that it was easier for him though–and for her, because the usual method of interrogation, otherwise known as the twenty questions game, was getting old. He should trust her enough by now to just tell her what was on his mind.

Nyota sighed and saved her work before shutting down her padd. She decided to head back to her quarters since she had some time before her regular shift started. Spock was certainly a puzzle, which wasn't necessarily a bad thing, it was after all, part of his attraction.

But despite meeting his mother, his moodiness hadn't abated and she was frankly sick of being so understanding, of always being the one to ask him what was wrong first. Why couldn't he just tell her? Her frustration was pushing her to confront him again, but she knew that wouldn't be a good strategy in the long run. There had to be something that would make him respond.

* * *

That chance happened much sooner and in a public way that Nyota did not care for–at all. It started when Spock strode over to her station when she reported for duty, back on her regular Alpha shift after three weeks on Gamma, to tell her crisply that she was late by 10.32 minutes.

She looked up at him, blinking and momentarily dumbfounded, 'What do you mean I'm late? This is when I report-'

'Schedule adjustments were made to account for fulfillment of active duty requirements. Ensign Ortiz was to be relieved ten point three two minutes ago-'

'Why didn't you just tell me that this _morning_?'

'Notification was sent. It is not my responsibility to monitor-'

'Fine. I'll make it up at the end of the shift-'

'That is not necessary, Lieutenant, I have made the proper adjustments to your allotted shore leave.'

Son of a bitch. It was _only_ ten minutes, but those minutes were precious to her when she got the chance to go shopping at the rare space station that even _had_ shopping. Her face hardened into a cool, professional mask, 'I understand _completely_, Mr. Spock. In the future, please make sure that I'm notified-'

'You _were_ notified. It is your responsibility to check the rotation schedule-'

Nyota was confused. He'd never told her about the schedule change, either in person or by email. 'I can't actually do that when I'm _not_ notif-'

Kirk swung around in his captain's chair, 'Mr. Spock, perhaps this point could be taken up at another time?'

He nodded at Kirk, 'Indeed I will, Captain.' Spock returned to his station and looked into his viewer.

Kirk's eyes, however, shifted between the two for a moment before turning back to the viewscreen, while Nyota's glare bore holes into Spock's oblivious profile. If Spock was spoiling for a fight, she was more than happy to give it to him.

The rest of the shift was quiet and tense on the bridge, except for Chekov, who had a tendency to be very chatty when he was nervous. Sulu tried to shush him, but not quick enough to prevent Spock from reprimanding Chekov sternly, humiliating the young ensign. Nyota felt a little guilty over that, but it only fueled her anger towards Spock. Kirk was also unusually quiet and she could feel his assessing eyes on her back while she tried to concentrate on tweaking a new translation program.

When the shift ended, she took extra time with her relief to chitchat. She hoped that Spock would leave first, so she wouldn't have to look at him while riding down in the lift, but the arrogant bastard had the nerve to wait by her station like nothing was wrong.

She could feel him fall in behind her as she walked into the turbolift, letting her anger uncurl deep and slow in her stomach. As the lift doors closed, she could see Kirk and the others trying to ignore them while making awkward small talk with each other. They were smart enough to wait for the next lift.

There was a beat of silence once the doors closed before Nyota said tightly, 'You are out of line, Mr. Spock and I don't appreciate-'

'I was not out of line, _Lieutenant_. You were late.'

Her anger finally won out and she replied, voice raised, 'Only because you didn't fucking _tell_ me!'

'You were notified. Next time, check your notifications.' He clasped his hands behind his back and looked up to watch the deck numbers change on the indicator.

'I was too busy with your _dick_ in my mouth! So _fuck_ your notified, _Mr._ Spock! I do _not_ appreciate you making an example out of me just because _you_ want to give the appearance of impartiality!'

Spock's ears were flushed dark green, but he continued to calmly watch the deck indicator, 'Your relationship with me does not preclude you from reprimand-'

Nyota pulled on his arm roughly, turning him to face her. Her fingernail dug satisfyingly into his chest as she made each of her points. 'I. Wasn't. _Late!_ And this isn't just about _my_ relationship with _you_, you fucking arrogant prick!'

Spock looked as coldly furious as she'd ever seen him, 'You will stand down, Lieutenant! Or I will put you in the brig myself!'

'Go ahead and try, you _stupid_ Vulcan!' Nyota jabbed her finger right into his face, 'Have the courtesy of letting me know beforehand, you fucking _liar_!'

She may as well have slapped him, the way Spock's head jerked back in surprise from her stinging rebuke. The doors quietly opened up and she stomped around him to leave, but not before his hand closed firmly around her arm as he hauled her back inside, ignoring the startled crewmen who were waiting for the lift.

He hit the emergency button, stopping them in between floors and pulled her body full force against him, almost knocking the wind from her. His hand pulled her head back and he kissed her roughly. His tongue surged into her surprised, open mouth, hot and forceful, their teeth clinking against together.

Surprised, Nyota instinctually pushed back, propelling them both into the other wall, the lift shaking from the force of Spock's back hitting it hard. She tried unsuccessfully to twist away and break free from his iron embrace, their breathing harsh, magnified by the quiet.

She could feel his erection straining against her body. Looking into his obsidian eyes, she realized she'd seen that look before and squelched that frightened part of her that remembered how his counterpart's eyes burned for her too.

Their breath was hot on each other's faces and her nipples were hardening from the friction between them. He pulled her up by the hips, lifting her off the floor to grind his erection into her mons. Gasping from the electric feel of him, she stared back, then opened her mouth to kiss him, needing to feel his tongue. To taste him.

Spock's gaze softened and Nyota closed her eyes as they kissed again, slower this time. He picked her up then, and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He rolled to the side, trapping her against the wall with his heavy body and they continued to kiss, his tongue lazily plunging into her mouth. His one hand was pulling her skirt up, while the other hand was busy squeezing her ass, the noise of their rustling clothes and heavy breathing, loud to her ears.

Suddenly, the lift started moving again, back up towards the bridge. Someone had overridden the emergency stop, but Spock wouldn't stop kissing her. She managed to wrench their lips apart, pushing him away just before the doors opened up to reveal a very surprised Kirk, Sulu and Chekov.

Nyota cringed inwardly but she nodded curtly, then moved back to make room for them. She hoped her makeup wasn't too smudged or her mouth too puffy, but she couldn't even reach up to wipe away the drying saliva from Spock's rough kisses.

Chekov had lost his smiling demeanor and she figured that either Sulu or Kirk had probably warned him to play it cool. Or he just heard her screaming at Spock as the lift went below decks. Her face became warm when she realized that the whole bridge probably heard her telling Spock to go fuck himself.

She breathed deeply through her nose, exhaling out of her mouth. She would not dwell on what the rumor mill would grind out for the next few days. It was out of sight, out of mind as far as she was concerned. What she was focusing on though, was finding that email Spock sent her and making him _eat_ it.

Just as Nyota was beginning to calm down, Chekov opened his mouth, 'You know, Nyota, it is _only_ ten minutes. When we go shopping again, we can just make a list ahead of time so we can find everything quicker.' He smiled at her sympathetically.

Ignoring the winces on Kirk's and Sulu's faces, Nyota said, 'Thanks, Pavel, but it's the principle of the-'

'Ensign Chekov is correct Nyota, it is only _ten minutes_. You will simply have to manage your time-'

Sulu, Chekov and Kirk simultaneously blanched at Spock's dumb comment, and at the expression on Nyota's face. They all quickly turned to face the door, anxious to get out of the lift.

Her voice was pointed and silky, '_Manage_ my time, Mr Spock? I _manage_ my time very well, thank you very much. I _manage_ the time of my subordinates and colleagues in my department very well, thank you very much…'

There was a soft whoosh as the lift doors opened and Chekov and Sulu rushed out so quickly that Sulu knocked into Kirk's back, who protested. Sulu muttered an apology, then practically ran down the corridor after Chekov. Kirk stood close to the doors when they closed, his back to the feuding couple, his hand nervously tapping against his thigh. He was determined not to hear this argument.

But Nyota was just warming up, 'I also _manage_ to communicate with _all_ of them and you never hear jack_shit_ about my department, now do you Spock?'

Kirk hesitated, then turned and gently said, 'Nyota-' but then shut his mouth when she gave him a warning look.

'So let me tell you what's going to happen, Spock. I'm going to find that _notification_ you sent and I'm going to find out–'

'Are you questioning the veracity of your superior officer?'

'You're damn right, I am. You know that better than anyone, _Commander_.'

The doors opened finally to their deck and she stalked out of the lift.

She could hear Spock's long strides following her, but then Kirk called out for him to wait. Nyota kept on walking, still doing a slow, but furious burn over her argument with Spock. She took deep breaths to quiet both her heart that was slamming in her chest, and the fires of arousal that Spock initiated.

When she got back to his quarters, she went right to his computer desk and accessed her account, then stared at the screen in disbelief. He'd lied to her. Straight out lied. All that sound and fury about sending her notice about the schedule change when all along he'd _never_ sent it.

He'd deliberately humiliated her on the bridge and for what?! She sucked in her breath, startled, when her eyes happened to fall on the front of the desk. Laying there, as if waiting to be noticed, was a long, thin black riding crop.

She stared at her new discovery as something finally clicked into place. For a moment, she contemplated what this might mean for them, what he was asking of her. Curious, she stood and picked it up, feeling the heft of it in her hand. The handle fit perfectly and there was a small, square leather tongue at the end. She started thinking about what she'd read earlier, and about Surak and Lady T'Uran. She decided then, that she needed to make a leap of faith.

When Spock entered his quarters, he stopped short when he saw her holding the riding crop. They locked eyes with each other, his face frozen and inscrutable.

Finally, she walked right up to him, looking him square in the eyes and said, 'I'm tired of your impertinence, Spock.'

He stared down at her, his eyes searching hers, then whispered, 'I'm sorry, T'sai.'

'You lied, Spock. Didn't you?'

He nodded slowly, 'Yes. I did.'

'Why?'

'I…I wanted to- to emotionally compromise you.'

'That much is obvious, Spock! Now tell me why!'

He remained silent, but he hadn't looked away either.

'You deliberately started a fight with me! On the bridge, in front of Kirk! Over nothing! I've worked hard to get where I am, damnit! I'm not going to let you fuck with that!'

'Please…let me make amends.'

She circled around him, talking as she looked him up and down, 'Oh, you _will_ be making amends, Spock. Next shift, I want you setting the record straight, on the bridge, in front of everyone.' She came to a stop in front of him again and pointed the end of the crop in his face, 'You're going to _fix_ this, Mister.'

'If I don't?'

'If you don't?! If you _don't_?!' She stopped short when she realized how he was pushing her buttons with his defiance.

Finally understanding, she said calmly, 'Actually, Spock, I've decided I don't like your attitude. Not one bit. Your behavior is completely unbecoming of an officer. I intend to file a complaint with Command that you lied with malicious intent against a fellow officer, a lie that was witnessed by the entire bridge.'

He whispered, 'Please don't do that.'

'Why not? Why should I be so forgiving?'

'It could end my career. Starfleet would lose an experienced officer–'

'A _stupid_, experienced officer.' She smiled when he pressed his lips together tightly. Well then, guess he didn't like that, did he? 'Say it!'

'A _stupid_, experienced officer,' Spock muttered.

She stood back and looked up at him, weighing her options, 'Take off your shirt.'

He complied silently, his dark eyes watching her as she circled him again, admiring the play of his chest muscles, and his broad shoulders.

'What will you do?'

'Shut up! I didn't say you could talk!' Standing behind him, she ordered, 'Get on your knees. You're too tall!'

'I'm sorry, T'sai.'

'Shut up!' She tapped the riding crop against her leg, wondering how she was going to work up the nerve to hit him.

Spock sat back on his heels, staring straight ahead, his back ramrod straight.

Nyota continued, 'I've decided that I could be lenient, but that would depend on you, Spock.' He looked at her silently waiting, before she realized she had to give him permission to speak. 'You may speak now, _dvinsu_.'

'Thank you, T'sai. Thank you for granting mercy. Please command me.' He leaned forward, his hands braced on the floor as he carefully placed a kiss on the very toe of her boot.

She smiled, 'I like that. Stay there. Now, you shall decide your punishment.'

His voice was muffled by the floor, 'A Vulcan does not lie. An officer's conduct should be above reproach. I have failed at both. 30 lashes across the back.'

She bit her lip, nervously. As angry as she was, she didn't know if she had it in her. She was silent for a long time, trying to decide and staring at the rippling expanse of his unmarked back. An empty canvas for her. She took a deep breath, '15 it is. Sit up.'

He sat back up, eyes straight ahead.

The crop made a whistling noise as it cut through the air and there was a loud smack as it bit into the flesh of his shoulders, leaving a dark green, thin welt. She kept count silently, lashing him faster and harder as she got into a rhythm.

Spock barely moved and did not utter a sound as she whipped him. Her arm was getting heavy and she just managed to finish the 15 lashes, when it occurred to her that maybe there was a reason he'd offered his back. His threshold for pain was much higher than a human's and she could hit as hard as she wanted and it wouldn't matter. She just didn't have the physical strength to really hurt him. But there were other ways…

'Hold out your hands.' She fought to keep her voice normal as she caught her breath. When Spock hesitated, she lashed him suddenly on his arm, feeling angry enough to put some bass in her voice, 'Hold out your hands, _now_!'

Eyes wide and blinking, he raised his hands very slowly, earning him another lash and a stern, 'Hurry up, _dvinsu_!' from Nyota. He finally held them up to her, palms open and she grinned evilly, 'No, Spock. Palms _down_.'

When he complied, Nyota brought the crop down hard across the back of his right hand, causing him to flinch. Finally. She chided him, 'Oh you'd think I'd forget about this, didn't you? Foolish boy.' She chuckled when he hissed, then hit his other hand, finally getting the emotional reaction she wanted.

Spock's back bore all the marks from her riding crop, as did the back of his hands now. His face was flushed and he worked hard to regulate his breathing. When he tried to close his eyes as she administered the rest of his punishment, she commanded him to keep them open.

'Look at me, Spock!'

His eyes snapped open and he stared up at her.

'I want your word, your promise as an officer, as a Vulcan, to never lie to me again. I want you to swear to me, Spock.' She raised her crop again to hit his hand when he hesitated, 'Swear, _dvinsu_!'

'I swear, T'sai!'

She lowered her arm, 'Good. Your punishment is complete.' He got off his heels and moved to stand, but she put her boot in his ass and pushed him down roughly to the floor. 'I didn't tell you to get up.'

As he lay sprawled out before her, she admired her handiwork, idly trailing the tip of the crop along the length of his back. 'Now, that wasn't so bad, was it Spock? Much better than a more…_public_ humiliation, wouldn't you say?'

'Yes, T'sai, yes it is.' Spock nodded quickly. Twice.

'You should be grateful that I'm lenient with you. I won't next time, Spock.'

'I understand, T'sai.' He turned his face up to her, 'Thank you, T'sai. Please let me show my gratitude. Please.'

'On your knees, then.'

He got to his knees and crawled to her, dropping kisses on her boot, working his way up to her knee. She sighed and smiled tiredly, exhausted with her arms aching. 'You struggled with your control. I expect you to fix that, Spock.'

'You are very wise, T'sai.' His hands traveled up her calves, caressing her skin, before drifting up her thighs to her ass, 'Please, T'sai. Please.' He kissed each thigh, then dropped a reverent kiss on her mound.

'Please _what_, Spock?'

'Please…please use me as you wish, T'sai.'

Nyota hiked her uniform skirt up, sliding her thumbs under the waistband of her red underwear and slowly pushed them over her hips, 'You may finish taking them off.'

He slid them the rest of the way down, carefully pulling them past her boots so that she could step out of her underwear. He looked up expectantly, his hands hovering around her thighs, waiting for her to command him.

She nodded, and his hands rubbed her thighs, up and down as he brought his mouth to her, his breath tickling her pubic hair. His tongue dipped into her wet folds and she sighed, closing her eyes as he begin to lick her delicately. She bit her lip and widened her stance so he could gain greater access. Nyota moaned and brought her other hand up to twist and tease her nipple as his tongue plunged into her dripping channel. 'Fuuuck, that's good.'

He _was_ good. His tongue was an instrument of pleasure, far better than any sexual aid she'd used. She'd been primed since the turbolift and she was very close to orgasm, but his licks grew more tentative and slower, causing her to lose that delicate thread.

Her eyes opened and she snapped, '_Don't_ displease me, Spock.' She tapped her crop against his shoulder in warning.

He stopped to say, 'I'm sorry, T'sai.'

'Do better, _dvinsu_.' She nodded and he continued, but with renewed vigor, causing her to moan again. 'Ohhh god, yeah. You like to please me, don't you? My thirsty, thirsty Vulcan.' Her laugh was low and throaty, then stopped with gasps as he licked, sucked and nudged at her clitoris with his deft tongue and lips.

She stopped him long enough to strip her uniform, wanting to be free from confinement. The hot air felt good against her skin and Nyota let his eyes linger hungrily over her body, before commanding him, 'Stick out your tongue, _dvinsu_.'

He obeyed, and she threaded her fingers through his hair, jerking his head back. She rolled her hips, then spread her legs wider, 'I'm gonna fuck that clever tongue of yours.'

She got a good grip on his hair and pulled his head back and forth, setting the pace for herself, while his big hands kneaded her ass. She got close again, but then stopped.

She decided to change positions and pushed him away suddenly, 'Lay down!' When he took too long, she pushed him in the chest with her boot, and as he fell back said, 'Hurry up!'

He lay there, his mouth open and expectant, and she knelt onto the floor next to his shoulders. She swung her leg over his head, straddling his face, her ass sitting on his chest. 'I expect you to perform…_admirably_, Spock,' she said, mocking his manner of speaking.

He didn't disappoint and it didn't take long for her to come as she rode his tongue into a loud, groaning orgasm, his face slippery from her juices as she bucked uncontrollably.

She sat back on his chest, aftershocks still radiating intermittently from her vagina and clitoris to the rest of her body. She looked down at him, his face wet, his dark eyes crinkled slightly at the corners. She grinned down at him, 'I'm not done with you yet, boy.'

Nyota got up, her legs shaky, 'Take off your pants.'

He shucked off his boots and pants so quickly that she laughed at him, especially when she saw evidence of his…condition. His erection sprang free from his pants, swaying, thick and heavy.

'Get on the bed.'

As he walked by her, she smacked him on the ass with her hand, enjoying the sight of this proud, naked Vulcan quietly obeying her orders. 'Hurry up, I don't have _all day_.'

'Yes, T'sai. Would you like me to lay down face up or down?' He raised an eyebrow at her.

'Don't test me, Spock.'

He lay on the bed face up and she walked to the side, bringing her crop down smartly across his thighs, eliciting a delicious gasp from him. 'That's for backtalk.'

She got on the bed and quickly straddled his hips, sinking onto that gloriously thick cock. She began moving urgently, loving the fullness and feel of him inside her as she impaled herself repeatedly.

He'd closed his eyes again, and she tapped him on the shoulder with her crop, 'I want to see you, Spock. I want to see your face when I _let_ you come.'

She leaned forward, her breasts crushed between their bodies, and kissed him. Her tongue was sliding into his mouth and he eagerly responded with a small, needful sound. As they tasted each other, she rode him faster, and she broke their kiss to watch his face, 'Cum for me, Spock.'

Her hips pumped faster, with her nose to his as she stared into his eyes, 'Don't look away. Don't look away,' she whispered.

Spock groaned, then suddenly wrapped his arms around her, rolling them over so he was on top of her, 'Please, T'sai. Let me touch your mind. _Sanoi_.'

Just the mere thought sent his hips thrusting into her at a frantic pace and she moaned loudly, sending her into another climax that left her shivering so spasmically that he held her in his arms.

After she caught her breath, she asked, 'Why should I let you? Beg me,' she said, sinking her nails into his ass.

'Because…I want to feel you.' He kissed her, then, 'I need to feel what you feel. I–I just need to.' He rotated his hips, his cock still hard inside her, seeking release, both physical and mental. 'Please,' he whispered.

As soon as she nodded her permission, his fingertips were at her meld-points, plunging deep into her mind, forging an immediate link. He dropped his hand from her face and closed his eyes as their emotions flooded each other, crashing against one another like turbulent ocean waves.

She cried out at the intensity, so strong and unexpected as it always was with him, that he'd feel these things so deeply. A jumbled mass of conflicting emotions, of relief and gratitude. Of fear. Of…love.

She grabbed the back of his neck and brought him back down to her in a crushing kiss, then said, 'Come on, baby. Come for me now, Spock.'

His back hunched over her, he gripped her shoulders and nailed her so rapidly that her moans escalated into a loud, long shout. She held on to his ears, forcing him to make eye contact with her, and watched as he grit his teeth and came hard, his abdominal muscles clenching, his body jerking out of control. He groaned lowly as he sank down onto her. She wrapped her arms around him, relishing the feel of his heaviness and his hot skin, slippery with sweat.

She woke to soft stroking on her back, his fingertips grazing her skin in a light pattern, her face resting on his chest. Nyota snuggled closer to him and sighed contentedly. She was exhausted, as he was too, since she could still feel him through their mental link.

He whispered in her ear, 'Have I pleased you, Nyota?'

She whispered back, 'Yes, Spock.'

He didn't answer her at first, but she could feel his satisfaction. So she was surprised when he continued, 'Thank you, Nyota.'

She squeezed him in a weak attempt at a bear hug, her arms completely rubber, 'It's ok, Spock. I love you. And I'll still love you when you need me most.'

She could hear his breath stop for a moment, then continue in its regular pattern. He kissed the top of her head. She knew he wouldn't answer her back, but she needed to say it for herself, because it was how she felt. And it felt right.

* * *

A/N: Thank you for your patience! As usual, great pics at my wordpress page as well as a slightly different version of the commissioned fanart that went with this story.


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